“You should write a blog,” they said.  “You’re so funny, and such a good writer,” they said.

“Yeah,” I thought.  “I should write a blog!”  After being fed a steady diet of Facebook ‘likes’ for years,  I was feeling pretty secure that this endeavor would be welcomed with equal enthusiasm by my friends.   So on February 14th,  I thought I’d show myself the love by putting this pet project into motion.  I spent the day carefully selecting a template, upgrading my Word Press account,  thinking about what I wanted to say, and then writing my very first post.  Okay, I stopped at one point to watch the Walking Dead mid-season premiere, but before the night was over,  I’d published my post and shared the link on facebook, proud that I’d accomplished a goal.  Then I waited for the kudos and likes to come rolling in…

(crickets)

After a solid eight hours of labor, the baby I’d birthed was getting some modest pats on the head, but it was far from being cooed and fawned over.   Every parent thinks their child is beautiful,  don’t they?  And no one wants to tell you your child is homely.

OMG.  Was I the lady with the ugly baby???

I called a few people and asked for some honest feedback.  One friend found my anatomical references a bit much.  (Okay,  fair enough.)  My mother was not exactly embracing the title or my play on words,  and she let me know in no uncertain terms that colonoscopies were no joke.  “But it’s funny,” I said.  “It’s like, when life gets tough, it’s time to reevaluate your sh*t.  See?”  I could practically hear her clutching her chest as she replied, “Please tell me you did not use that word!”  No, I didn’t.  But I wanted to. And I might in the future.

I didn’t think it was my best work ever, but it was a start.  And the Sally Field in me really wanted it to be liked.

“She has a cute face.  Maybe if she did something with her hair?”

Who was I writing this for, anyway?  Primarily, me.  I have felt like a writer who wasn’t writing,  and I wanted to change that.  So I’m doing it.  I’m seeking out more ways to channel that creativity,  and make it a habit, not an occasional blip on the radar.   But this blog is not just about frequency and quantity,  it’s about quality, too.  I want to become a BETTER writer.   Opening myself up to feedback, comments, and critique is part of that.   Writing in a journal that nobody sees is undoubtedly beneficial and therapeutic, but writing for an audience can lead to even more personal and professional growth.  That’s what I’m after.  Growth.

Speaking of growth, are my roots looking really bad?

Wait.  Don’t answer that.

A person with considerable knowledge of psychology recently asked me,  “Do you realize how much pressure you put on yourself?”

Well, frankly, no.  I’d never thought in those terms before.  I always thought the pressure I felt was coming from outside sources.  Friends.  Family.  The general public.  You know, other people.

But when I sat down to write my very first blog post tonight, no one else was there but me.  Well, me and “the committee.”  The voices in my head.  The second-guessers.  The devil’s advocates.  All chock-full of great ideas… and arguments why those ideas weren’t good enough or entertaining enough or interesting enough to write about in a blog.  Wow.  All that pressure was coming from me.

Psssst.  Self.  Lighten up, Francis.

This blog doesn’t have to be epic. Or profound. Or hilarious.  I’m not being graded on it.  I just want to build up my writing chops.  Aptitude and talent mean nothing until they’re put into practice.  Living my best life (shout out to Oprah- Hey girl, hey!) means using my gifts.  Anybody can be a dreamer.  I want to be a doer.

So that’s what this blog is about.  Doing something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. Being a woman of my word.  It was high time to stop talking, and start typing.  I’m kind of excited to see how it will evolve over time.  I fully expect it will change me, too.

Here we go, folks.